Change is Never Easy

To make a change is never easy.

Especially when the change you are wanting to make is something that is apart of the way you are.

Growing up I had learned to be out spoken, bull headed and out there or maybe I was just that way. I didn’t want to be walked over by anyone and I was going to show the world that I meant business and that I could do anything I set my mind to.

But I didn’t realize at times, I was going about this in all of the wrong ways. I let small things affect me and become big things. I struggled to get control on my emotions and I go through periods of being very down. I don’t like being a down person because that’s not who I am. I don’t like dwelling in the negative that seem to fill my vision but I find it hard to shake the foggy mess of wallowing in my own pity party that always comes in these low points.

Recently I had someone point out to me that when I get to these low points I let it spread to others and then it spreads like a virus infecting all of those around me and causing an implosion. I was so taken aback because I had not ever thought about it in this manner.

Had I really been poisoning those around me? Had I been causing some sick repetition of turmoil that was coming back to me?

Neither of these questions have a yes or no answer in my case. They are simply questions that have popped up into my mind causing me to think. And I am appreciative that this was brought to my attention, because now I know I need to start the steps to change my way of thinking and therefore my way of conducting myself to better benefit the bigger picture in my life.

The biggest relief I felt recently though, was getting to the root cause of why I had felt this way, to why I had been heading down in to the spiral of negativity. It was all because of a label that had been applied to me. A label I didn’t consider to be a bad thing until it was repeated, repeated, repeated and repeated time and time again. I thought of myself as a strong person but this label was breaking me. My confidence was shaken, my power felt stripped from me.

However now that I know I can feel my power coming back, my confidence coming back, my strength coming back and my life coming back.

Deep down at my core I sparkle and I know glitter runs through my veins but I had been dulled down because of a label.

How could I have let this happen? How could I let one thing take so much control of my life? It’s puzzling but plausible.

So plausible that it happened and now I need to make a change. I need to rise up and be better, do better and expect better of myself.

To make a change is never easy.

But it is necessary.

To make a change is never easy.

But I am willing and looking forward to what I can learn to help me pull myself out of this terrible black hole of negativity.

To make a change is never easy.

But it is time.

 

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